Rant.

10 Steps to not being an asshole in public. 

Step One: Do not, under any circumstances walk in front of me and then slow down, not only is it very rude, but it is also down right annoying. If I so happen to have my child in her buggy, please be prepared for me to run up the back of your heels. 

Step Two: Keep your tongue in your own mouth at all times. Do not butt touch, don't kiss (unless its a peck goodbye), don't fondle and certainly do not swap any kind of bodily fluids. Some people just ate lunch, I know you might be hungry but DOWN SOLDIER. 

Step Three: Don't yell at your already screaming toddler. The chances are, the poor child doesn't understand that your benefit money wont stretch far enough for him to have the tenth ride on the shop toys. This is not his fault. I get it, you're in a rush, or you're tired because the little shit kept you up all night, and he's acting out - so what. Millions of parents managed to keep their child in tact throughout the last 100 years, so I ask you to do the same thing. Discipline him, but not by screaming at him in the middle of Tesco's bread isle.

Step Four: Please, if you are on the phone, understand that they can hear you and you do not need to shout, because trust me, you're talking so loudly you don't actually need the phone to communicate with them. 

Step Five: If you must use your car/motorbike, please try your very best not to be a complete imbecile. Know where you are going, and do not use the wrong lane at traffic lights or roundabouts in order to get to where ever it is faster. Don't drive like a total fucking idiot, and please do not cut off other drivers.

Step Six: Wait your turn. I do not care if you just need to ask the cashier a question, I have waited in the queue, and so shall you. 

Step Seven: If you are lucky enough to be able to have children, please, PLEASE, do not leave them in the pushchair outside the corner shop. I understand that you are only going in for a second, for the pint of milk, the bag of nappies and the 40 pack of cigarettes, but please understand that this is unfair on your child, and it makes you look like a tink. 

Step Eight: Don't spit. Ever. Unless you are at home, in the comfort of your own bathroom brushing your teeth, then there is absolutely no need for your saliva to exit your mouth. 

Step Nine: Don't shit in public toilets. Unless it is an absolute emergency, or you have a young child with you, there is absolutely no need for it. You are more than capable of going home for your daily dump. 

Step Ten: Always, ALWAYS, say thank you when someone holds a door open for you. It is manners, and they cost nothing my friend. 

Yep, you guessed it, this post was a rant. I am constantly facing all of these things and more in Greater London. I could probably have come up with 50 ways not to be an asshole, but I thought that would be taking it a bit too far. Have you got any pet hates? Or have you seen anything particularly horrendous in public? Pop it in the comments - I will always reply :)